I suffer from self defeating thoughts. What are "self defeating thoughts" you might ask? Well, they are exactly what they sound like. Every time I think of something I will talk it down. Sometimes I get so stuck that I feel like I can't move. I can have a million things to do and then I'll start getting anxiety because I can't get my body to move in order to do them. The problem is that when this happens I start to think that I'm less of a person, that I don't deserve happiness or love. It's not true. Well, I keep saying that it's not true but I haven't conquered the actual knowledge yet. This is actually a response to trauma and abuse. Now listen...we can't go blaming everyone for our faults but it is important to know that if you were never like this before...9 times out of 10 someone tried to control you, invalidate you, talk down to you and continually gave you security but then took it away when you acted a certain way they didn't approve of. This is in fact ABUSE. Finding your way out of this "Lethargic Coma" is very, very difficult and it will also fuel negativity and more adverse reactions from your abuser (if they are still around). This type of abuse is super tricky because it will sneak up on you. You'll never even notice it's happening until you start thinking you are losing your mind and then one day you'll be sitting at home wondering why you can't move, why you feel trapped and punished and perhaps a therapist, attorney or me...will bring it to your attention. Your first step is to recognize it. Because it will take you a long time to do just that...when you do, you're going to need help because you can't think clearly and you're quite possibly relying on alcohol, drugs or someone else's shitty advice to stay afloat. You are not afloat...you are sinking.
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